Plan B is the new Plan A
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
