I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
