You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
