I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
