I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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