Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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