fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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