he wants to bone in the snuggie
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
