im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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