Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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