My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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