btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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