Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
