Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
