if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
this just has baby written all over it
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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