margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
