and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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