he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
