There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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