So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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