I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
