It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
