I smell stomach acid.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The power of my boobs compel you
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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