He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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