My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
