Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
