gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
