I can't breathe out the right side of my face
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
