C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize