i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
