I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
