Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
that is very illegal...i love you.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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