I will die if light touches me.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
