I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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