worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
