I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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