Even the bartender felt bad for me
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
