I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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