i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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