if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
