Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
