I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
