11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
