are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
