before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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