you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
