apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
