wrigley field is MILF paradise
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
