My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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