plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
