i would punch a child for taco bell
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize