i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
