Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
