At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize