i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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