everyone is single if you try hard enough
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
