ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I didn't shave. On purpose
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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