I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
