apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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