somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize