Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
