so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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