i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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