So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She bit a glass in half.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize