I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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