i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
