Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
