i wish there were pregnant emoticons
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
