you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
