Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize