There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
