Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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