so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
