can we get nightvision for the apartment?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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