Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
