I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize