Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
