I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
