I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
