You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
