I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
