Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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