I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
