So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
