im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
