I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
