I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
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