i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
