My sheets look like a crime scene.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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