Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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