well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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