You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i jhust puked up my retainher.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
