the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
