hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
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