i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize