four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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