when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
