Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
