The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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