This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
