Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
