So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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