Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
