Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
