I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
