Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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