just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize