I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
